Thankful

I am so thankful to have Avery in my life.  She is such a blessing and a joy to be around each and every day.  It wouldn't matter if she took 3 years to walk or if her talking never got coherant.  She is so sweet and loving.  She mischevious and innoscent personality makes her so much fun to be around.  Her and Michael are the biggest blessings in my life.

I am certainly proud of her for all she's accomplishing!  She's always been strong with great head and neck control.  Before she hit 6 months she was working on crawling.  She's now 8 months and is trying to stand on her own.  She knows several signs and is able to communicate her wants and needs with us.  She's beginning to talk and seems to know that I'm Mama and Michael is Dada.  She's also getting really good at her inflections when she's babbling, immitating our sounds and fluency.  She's an amazing kiddo!  I could go on and on with all her accomplishments and learning, but that's not the point of this post...

I love my baby girl so very much.  She means the world to me.  If you're reading this, I'm sure you read my post from last week that talked about our miscarriage.  I have several other posts that are hidden that only Michael and I can read from the 3.5 weeks we knew we were pregnant before we got the bad news.  Obviously I was excited to be pregnant again, and a great deal of that stems from Avery and the amazing child that she is.  Michael and I were going to wait until this summer to start trying for baby number 2 so that the baby would be born in the Spring.  That was the plan long before Avery was born.  However, Avery coming along and being such an incredible child made us (me especially) anxious for another baby.  I mean, when you have a baby who sleeps 10-12 hours/night at 4 weeks old, who transitions beautifully on her own to baby food at 6 months, who eats well, sleeps well, is happy, playful, attentive, smart, silly, and beautiful, who wouldn't want another one?!?!  So we tried early, and we got our positive test.  :)

Then, I tempted fate, broke my own rule, and told a few people.  Then, the worst happened, and the reason for my rule became all too clear again.  I WILL NOT tell people we are pregnant BEFORE 13 weeks and 3 days again.  It was the worst thing in the world having to untell people.  At least other people, when they found out we had a miscarriage, didn't know we were pregnant in the first place.  But facing the people who knew was terrible.  They knew how excited we were and saw how vulnerable we were now that it was gone.  It was the worst feeling.  I won't make that mistake again.

Back to happier subjects...  Avery is amazing!  I love her so much!  When she smiles, grins, laughs, and crawls towards me at top speeds it warms my heart.  She loves to stand and walk and even the women in the nursery at church noticed she does not like to bend her legs.  She loves to stand.  And now she's letting go of me and trying to stand on her own!  Even when she does feel unsteady, she slowly lowers herself instead of just falling.  She's always been very in control of her body, and she remains that was as we begin our adventure into walking.  :)

I worried when I was pregnant if I was ready for a baby.  I liked having time to myself and more importantly, Michael to myself.  I worried that I was too selfish to let a baby into my heart, family, and life.  I worried about the changes a baby would bring to my life.  I worried that I wouldn't love her enough because I could never imagine loving anyone more than I love Michael, who was my entire world.  I think these are natural worries for any new parent.  But then she arrived and I was blown away by how much I adored her!  Even after being awake for 24 hours, having contractions on and off all that time, getting 4 hours of interupted sleep, labor and delivery, and another 12 hour day, I couldn't sleep!  All I wanted to do was stay up and stare at her beautiful face!  My amazingly beautiful daughter who my handsome husband and I had created.  My love for her was overwhelming.  I didn't know I was capable of so much love.  Because everything I felt for Michael, I felt for Avery too.  There was no loving Michael less or not loving Avery enough, there was just more love, loving each of them more than I thought was possible.  It was and remains today an incredible feeling!

So it was an easy decision to make to have another baby.  And we will have another one in God's time.  I am so thankful to have Avery in my life, because when the bad news hit, I still had a beautiful, healthy little girl to go home to, hug, and squeeze.  My family is so wonderful and perfect. 

I love my daughter more than words can say.  I have the utmost respect for my husband who stands strong at my side, providing for our family.  Michael is my greatest strength and partner when life gets rough, and my best friend and happiest supporter when life is great.  Life does not get any better than this.  I am so in love.  Thank you, Lord, for these two incredible blessings in my life.  You have certainly spoiled me.  :)