10 weeks

Today would have been 10 weeks if the pregnancy had been viable.  We would have waited a couple more weeks, then shared the exciting news with are family.  Around the middle of July we would have been out of the 1st trimester and shared with our friends on facebook.  Today would have been 10 weeks.

I think I've handled things pretty well.  The first day was really rough, but by the end of the day I was almost at peace (or as much as you can be in light of that news).  God has been faithful.  He has been holding us up and keeping us strong.  But today, knowing we would have been at 10 weeks, I'm not feeling quite as strong today.

The babies would have been 15 months apart.  We were making plans to set up a room just for Avery so the new baby could have the nursery.  We're still making these plans.  We hope to have Avery in her own room in a toddler bed between 15 and 18 months.  Can't believe how quickly she's growing.  She is keeping me strong.  She is who I have to live for when all the saddness sets in.

The baby would have been due on January 16th.  Then, 2 days later, Michael and I would celebrate 7 years together (dating, not married).  I hope that the date has been erased from my memory by the time it comes around.  Not something I wish to dwell on.

I wish we were still pregnant.  I hope we'll be pregnant again soon.  God knows.  He has a plan.  There is a reason for this saddness and pain.  I don't know His plans, but I know He'll keep me safe.  He doesn't wish to harm me.  There is a bigger plan in motion here, bigger than me.  I hope it all makes sense eventually.

Today would have been 10 weeks.  Maybe next week I won't remember anymore.  *sigh*