Today while I was out with my mom and sister looking at houses, Avery drew a picture on our dining room table. She drew it on paper, luckily, but she used pen. She pushed down so hard on the paper that she carved scribbles into my dining room table. I just now noticed, some 3-6 hours later. Right now she's asleep in her room, which is probably for the best. I tend to react without thinking, often times yelling at my children. Today I would definitely be yelling if she were awake. I love this table, but the last year has been rough on it. Shortly after the holidays we had some friends from church over for lunch. They put their water glasses on the placemats I had on the table, Christmas gifts from an aunt. Turns out that, unbeknownst to me, the glasses were sweating and leaking through the placemats, causing large water rings. When I removed the placemats later I was incredibly sad to find my once pristine table was marked. Fast forward through the year and you can add a coffee cup heat ring (I didn't even know that was a thing) and some partial rings from plates that were too hot sitting on the table. Now I have scribbles to add to it. I know it's just stuff, you can't take it with you, and that having kids comes with some things getting messed up. I am struggling with this (and have struggled with all the things in the past that they've destroyed, ie: holes in walls, holes in trim, coloring on walls, and chipped tile from dropping and shattering coffee cups) because I take pride in my home, in my things. And when I've invested a decent amount of money into these things, I don't want to see them messed up. Money has been tight since Michael and I got married, that comes with living on a teacher's salary with Michael still in school, both working minimum wage jobs, or only Michael working while I stay home with the kids. We don't have a lot of extra money, but we save and have a few more things to our names than we had back then. I have a nice car that's paid off, we paid off a couch and love seat over about a year while Michael was still in school, we paid for our washer and dryer in cash with money we saved for a vacation, we got our table and chairs with help from my mom for Christmas one year, we're still paying for our fence (and will be for the next 3 years), and we got a new bedroom set just this year. These purchases take years to pay off and I'm proud of the things we pick out and pay off. I'm incredibly frustrated to have our nice things messed up. I am somewhere between wanting to scream and yell and cry. I'm upset. I know she didn't mean to do it, and I suppose I should feel better about that. It was an accident. But it's disappointing. I just don't know what else to say. I guess I'm glad she was asleep when I noticed so I didn't yell at her. She doesn't deserve that. Guess I just need to let it go. Can't change it now. :\
